HIJACK A PLANE - WIN A COUNCIL HOUSE
Good morning and welcome to a brand new
edition of 'ASYLUM'.
Today's programme features another
chance to take part in our exciting competition: Hijack an airliner and win a
council house! We've already given away hundreds of millions of pounds and
thousands of dream homes, courtesy of our sponsor the British Taxpayer. And
don't forget, we're now the fastest growing game on the planet. Anyone can play,
provided they don't already hold a valid British passport, and you only need one
word of English: 'ASYLUM'!.
Prizes include
all-expenses-paid accommodation, cash benefits starting at £180 a week and a
chance to earn thousands more begging, mugging and accosting drivers at traffic
lights.
This competition is open to everyone
buying a ticket or stowing away on one of our partner airlines, ferry companies
or Eurostar. No application ever refused reasonable or unreasonable. All you
have to do is destroy all your papers and remember the magic password: 'ASYLUM'.
Only this week 140 members of the
Taliban family from Afghanistan were flown Goat Class from Kabul to our
international gateway at Stansted where local law enforcement officers were on
hand to fast-track them to their luxury £200-a-night rooms in the fabulous four
star Hilton Hotel. They join tens of thousands of other lucky winners already
staying in hotels all over
Britain. Our most popular
destinations also include the White
Cliffs of
Dover and the
world famous Toddington Services area
In Historic Bedfordshire.
If you still don't understand the
rules, don't forget there's no need to phone a friend or ask the audience, just
apply for legal aid. Hundreds of lawyers, social workers and counsellors are
waiting to help.
It won't cost you a penny, so play
today; it could change your life forever. Iraqi terrorists, Afghan dissidents,
Albanian gangsters, pro-Pinochet activists, anti-Pinochet activists, Kosovan
drug-smugglers, Tamil tigers, bogus Bosnians, Rwandan mass murderers, Somali
guerrillas...COME ON DOWN! Get along to the airport, get along to the lorry
park, get along to the ferry terminal. Don't stop in
Germany or France. Go straight to Britain. And you
are guaranteed to be one of tens of
thousands of lucky winners in the softest game on earth. Roll up, roll up my
friends for the game that never ends.
Everyone's a winner, when they play
'ASYLUM'.